Aspiraffirmations

I don’t do my kids’ homework. (Did I tell you before about making this decision when in third grade, after I was embarrassed by how my teacher gushed over the totem pole my father built for my Native American project?) I admit it is a temptation to take the helm, especially when we are up late, they are near to tears with frustration, or when I really want to help them shine; but I stick to my guns, put the pencil in their grip, and sit on my hands.

But just this once, I’m breaking my rule.

“I have to write a bunch of affirmations about myself.” I hear self-doubt in my child’s voice. I see hope mingled with fear in the eyes looking back at me. I feel the conflict this creates for the heart—wanting to be honest, not wanting to be braggy.

“Do you want me to make some suggestions for you?” In my mind that won’t exactly be cheating. “Kind of like when I wrote little Post-it notes for your lunchbox in grade school?” I get a few noises I choose to interpret as assent. “How many do we need?” I learn it is fourteen. One per day until the assignment is due in two weeks.

I’m not sure I like the idea of short rosy sentences to build self-confidence, like “I am smart,” or “I am worthy of love.” Because an affirmation also means “a clear declaration of truth,” and if one does not believe said affirmation, one might think one is lying to oneself. As Shakespeare cleverly tells us, “To thine own self be true.”

Rather, I like the idea of speaking to life the future human one hopes to be, as if that is a truth to count on. So, I decide to invent a new word:

Aspiraffirmation (as-pir-uh-fur-MAY-shun)

Definition: A statement that both celebrates who you are and encourages who you are becoming.

Now that I have changed the assignment to suit myself, I get going. I start by thinking about my own adult life and the kind of person I aspire to be. What are some simple positive actions that add up to a good life? What are the habits I want my grown children to possess that I believe will help them succeed, be healthy, be happy, be good people? Hmm. This may be a harder assignment than I thought. I doodle a mind map on a yellow legal pad. In the center I write, “I am the kind of person who. . .” I’ve heard that before, am not sure where, but I don’t stop and try to remember.

It flashes through my mind that at Christmas I buy each child four gifts: one for the heart, one for the soul, one for the mind, and one for the body. I add branches on my mind map to reflect those godly aspects of the human whole.

For days I add, change, reword, strike, rethink, and rewrite. I listen to other parents’ hopes and dreams for the kind of person they wish their children to become. In the end, I pare it down to sixteen aspiraffirmations for my child to use, like a menu to choose from each day.  Here they are, in no particular order:

I am the kind of person who laughs easily and makes other people feel comfortable when they are around me.

I am the kind of person who speaks well of people who are not in the room.

I am the kind of person who can focus on one task at a time and do it well.

I am the kind of person who reads widely: fiction and nonfiction, for enjoyment, and to better myself.

I am the kind of person who takes pleasure in doing something physical every day.

I am the kind of person who can be trusted to take care of my possessions and make them last.

I am the kind of person who can apologize and own my mistakes without diminishing my self-worth.

I am the kind of person who can enjoy planning meals and cooking with nourishment in mind, who then sits down to eat slowly.

I am the kind of person who refuses to be bored.      

I am the kind of person who respects myself and others by taking care of my physical appearance and dressing well.

I am the kind of person who keeps one day a week to pursue rest and right living.

I am the kind of person who can sit quietly and enjoy contemplative time without the distraction of electronics.

I am the kind of person other people trust to protect their privacy and to whom they can come for support, advocacy, or a good listening ear.

I am the kind of person who keeps my personal spaces orderly, who resets the room when I leave, or who tidies my desk at the end of the day.

I am the kind of person who sets and keeps healthy boundaries of consumption.

I am the kind of person who treats my body and health as a gift to be cherished, nurtured, and protected.

Will these statements have the intended effect—inspiring and affirming the people I love most? I don’t know, but they feel better than nagging or giving the usual mom instructions: “Eat your vegetables, make your bed, pay attention, be respectful,” and so on.

I don’t check their homework. At the end of the day, who knows if my suggestions make the cut or not? However, I’ve learned some ways I personally aspire to be a better human, and to affirm traits I appreciate in fellow bearers of the Imago Dei. If I haven’t said it, thank you for having modeled any of those aspiraffirmation towards me.